Small and Insignificant

While it’s still fresh in my memory, lemme talk about tonight. A great ‘thank you’ is due to Jessica who was generous enough to invite me to the Good Charlotte concert here in Bukit Jalil. If I can describe it in one word, it would be ‘awesome’. We started to queue at about 5:30 pm in Carpark A. As usual, nothing ever starts when it should. So we queued till about 6:40 pm before we were even admitted into the concert grounds. It was another 4 hours before Good Charlotte actually came on stage. There were three local opening acts. It was so-so. Haha. I can’t even remember their names.

Electrifying. You cant bring in cameras. So got stuck with my 2MB camera phone

I came to the concert expecting mediocre music and atmosphere. How wrong I was. They sounded amazing, and this was a live performance. The atmosphere, vivacious. Beside a particularly tense moment involving a bunch of uneducated boys jumping like a group of baboons, the whole experience will be forever etched in my mind. I cannot describe it, it must be experienced.

So, moving along. My dad got promoted. Woohoooo. Congrats congrats. Since that happened, I finally managed to get hold off my long awaited item. Unexpectedly, another two items that I wished for also managed to cross my path. I was overjoyed.

In addition to that, I got elected (elected might be a wrong word here since there wasn’t any other opponent- that sucked by the way) as Vice Treasure for the Student Representative Council. Here, I managed to attend my first official diner involving five (or was it six?) course diner. I felt self-conscious during the whole event though; owing to the fact that I was wearing a Batik several sizes too big. I just had to be at my home in Kepong when I received the invite- all my Batik was in Vista. Anyway, the food was scrumptious; the people were friendly; the evening- magical.

There are other good things I can share with you guys, but I think it’s just too minor to share it here. What’s important is the collective effect. I actually feel slightly invincible. Haha. Anyway, take care guys. Time to end this lengthy post.

I’ve been meaning to blog my KKB experience for quite some time now. But I just can’t seem to get around it because of what I’m about to tell you. I have debated with myself for a long long time whether I should be even blogging this; it’s far too personal. I decided to post it up anyway. A person’s blog should reflect one’s true feeling. Not just the good parts, but the parts we’re ashamed off and the parts we wish to remain hidden.

I have always been excited to usher in the new semester. It takes oneself closer to one’s dream, it wipes the state clean of yesteryear, and it marks one’s step to adulthood. That all came crashing down when I received my CVS result. I have no idea why, but missing that A for CVS was catastrophic. For a while, I was happy with what I received- Mei Ann and Sree would stand to testify, but that euphoria did not last long. When it ended, I was forced to brave a face totally not of my own. Within a blink of an eye, I lost my sense of purpose. Rooted to the floor, unsolicited images of failing EOS pounded me mercilessly.

I don’t know the turn of events that would have transpired if Mei Ann wasn’t there that day. Although unknown to her, our discussion regarding orientation saved what little rational thought I have left. When I met Debbi, I once again dawned that alien face. Instilling that disguise helped somewhat in masking my true feelings and for a while- I forget.

Over the next few days, I battled denial and depression. For the first time in my life, I felt defeated.

When I finally came out of that reverie, I promised myself that I will do everything in my power not to feel this stupid, this useless, this worthless, this mediocre in my life ever again. It's time to be a bit kiasu

For the first week of Respi, I studied everything two days in advance, I barely slept and I was exhausted-but I felt great. I concentrated so much on lectures that my PBL suffered. I seriously considered taking the easy way out and skipped PBL2- using Chinese New Year as an excuse. Oh how glad I didn’t, I received a boost of morale from Htin Ong. Say what you will about him, but by god; he can really inspire people.

I’ve been using the Chinese New Year holiday- as Htin Ong would put it, ‘to run ahead.‘ I’ve read most of the notes in the I-drive, and once again, I’ve cut down on my sleeping time. But is that enough? I met three people from our batch in the library yesterday. Today, it was four; one of them was studying 'Hypoxia'. That means I am behind. Do I need to run faster and harder? What more do I need to sacrifice?

I can already feel my momentum slowing down, my determination is slipping away, and I am just so f**king tired of running. I don’t know if I am able to keep this pace up anymore.

So first and foremost, the CVS exam is finally over; and my god what an exam it was. I think it’s safe to say that the elusive A has morphed into a bird and flown away. Intangible and ungraspable, it leaves oneself overwhelmed with guilt and regret. Come what may, things would change; that much I can promise myself.

On a lighter note, my big bro came back last weekend. He left as a student, and came back as a working man. The transition was so slight that it’s hard to ascertain, but it’s there nonetheless. Oh heck, let me just say it before I change my mind, Man I’m proud of you. When he ‘belanja-ed’ my parents and I at Victoria Station the other day, I could tell that I’m not the only one feeling pride that day. My parent’s head was so far up in the clouds that it’s a wonder they were able to cut their steaks.

Allow me to digress somewhat, but this is what I figured out. My parents usually pay for dinner, and since they were not doing it this time; that means that they are in excess financial wise, right? So, that means they have more money to spend on… on…ME.
GAP, here I come. Hahahahah!!!

Officially started Rotations today. My first class was on Behavioral Science headed by Dr.Galy. To tell you the truth, I was always a bit apprehensive about him; but today, I found out that he's not that bad after all. There is another person out there that I dislike without ever knowing him. Much to my dismay, I discovered that he-akin to Dr.Galy, is not how I originally perceived them to be. It riddles with shame and remorse to know that I ‘blacklist’ people without really giving them a chance. There are still a number of people out there who are on my ‘blacklist’, but how many of them actually deserve it?

New Year Resolution Number One: Don’t pass judgment too quickly. If you ‘blacklist’ someone, ensure that it is founded and that they deserve to be ‘banned’-so to speak